So, I want to return to a previous post about gratitude and being mindful of delays being a good thing at times. On the Mindful Delays post, I mentioned how a delay can turn out for the good even when it is frustrating to begin with. On our train trip to Fort Lauderdale to go to Bimini, Bahamas, I asked some engineers sitting down when they thought our train might arrive. I had talked to the train engineer who was involved in the accident that delayed our train. I had heard him say that he was driving the train involved in the accident. I didn’t know at the time that it had resulted in a fatality. John gets the news pulled up on his phone when we’re going through the accident site with police cars still blocking off the road leading up to the downed barrier.
“The sheer selfishness of it stuns me.”
Then the shame hits. I’m a trauma therapist. I talked to the driver of that train who just hit and killed someone by accident and just walked away after finding out when my train might get there. The sheer selfishness of it stuns me. At the time, I didn’t know anyone had died or that there might be trauma for this man because he surely didn’t seem to be in shock or anything. No one in the crew telling us about the delay seemed to be particularly disturbed when they were talking about the accident….how was I to know? I feel like I should have at least shown some empathy for a man who even if nothing really bad had happened, had at least had a bad night.
While I feel gratitude for the delay keeping us out of this situation, I immediately wish that I could go back in time and handle that interaction differently. I wish that I could have at least looked past my own needs to find out about how he was feeling. While, I don’t think I would have found a brainspot or had him tap it out, I could have at least shown basic empathy for someone who had been in an accident.
“Probably the only good things to come out of Covid 19 are the leaps and bounds made in telehealth platforms.”
And it stays with me. While I forget about it and enjoy my time on the beach for vacation. As soon as I get home and start seeing clients again, it resurfaces. In the face of trauma, you recognize other traumas that you should have been more cognizant of. But I’m back in Michigan and that man is in Florida. What can I do from here? Probably the only good things to come out of Covid 19 are the incredible leaps and bounds made in telehealth platforms. I love RemotEMDR and was trained virtually for Brainspotting. It’s my most comfortable way to use the intervention now. So, I call TriRail and offer my services to the engineer that was on duty that night. I don’t know his name, but it can’t be hard to find for the supervisor. I might never get contacted by this man, but I know that I have at least discharged my own ethical duty to offer services where I see a need.
It was a difficult call to make. To get the first person that answers the phones and explain why I’m calling. And then get moved up to the supervisor to try to explain again why I’m contacting them and what I’m offering. It feels uncomfortable to say the words, to acknowledge the lack of care in the heat of the moment, but I haven’t thought of it again until writing this post. So, my brain recognizes that I’ve done what I can to right a wrong. I encourage you to have that difficult talk, make that awkward apology, extend that hand that might not be needed. Because at least you know that you have done what you need to do.