I’ve probably written before about hormone fun, but I’ve reached a new level of hell lately. So, I’ve put up with PMS, periods and hormone changes monthly since I turned 12. I got to put up with amazing weight gain and loss of libido with depo-provera for birth control. I then got to put up with the pain and surgery, medications to treat my endometriosis.
John breathing can set me off.
Engaging in fertility treatments was awful, mainly for John because he said those drives to the fertility clinic were the scariest drives of his life. Not because the road to Grand Rapids is scary, but because I was legitimately out of mind on these hormones. Pregnancy hormones were a breeze compared to these past events, but then I entered perimenopause. This just meant that I had horrible periods that couldn’t be counted on to come at any particular time and hot flashes at times. I think I’ve moved on from there to menopause now, but who the hell can tell?
The amount of changes that a female body goes through in a lifetime is amazing….
The amount of changes that a female body has to go through in our lifetimes is truly amazing, horrifying, etc. I’m not sure how to categorize it. But hot flashes have gone from flashes to sweats and I thought that I had the flu or some horrible disease when I got cold flashes. Didn’t even know that was a thing, but they’re worse than hot flashes. Now, I have reached a level of irritation with everything in the world that puts my loved ones in danger. If you’ve ever wondered how postpartum depression can lead to assaulting someone or how a marriage of 20 plus years suddenly crashes and burns, let me tell you, the chemical messengers in our bodies are that powerful. These messengers make it so that I can grow a new human in my body and give birth to it. They’re powerful and the loss of them is equally powerful. And shocking.
I yell constantly. I can see it happening, but don’t care that it is enough to apologize until I have time to come out of a hormone haze. John breathing can set me off. Oscar being a normal kid trying to avoid bedtime can make me a screaming virago. It probably feels like his mother has been substituted for someone else at times. At least I hope it feels like it’s not me to him, because it definitely doesn’t feel like me to me.
There’s nothing to do with it or for it.
I feel like I’m projecting onto my clients too because if you’re female and experiencing any female issues, I’m going to mention the possible factor of hormones because they’re so present in my life right now. I’m sure that it’s having other effects on my work, life, but these are the most obvious to me. And there’s nothing to do with it or for it. I can’t do hormone replacement with my family history of heart issues. I just have to weather it. And so do all the people in my life that are effected by it. I have to hope that I’ve generated enough goodwill with others to overcome the amount of time it takes for me to get to the other side of this.